Saturday, 18 February 2012

Jensen Ackles by a Gay Man

My friend, John Goode, asked me what I wanted for my birthday. I asked for a blog, either a Jensen Ackles-fest or thoughts of a gay man. Lovely boy that he is, John combined the two. So here it is:

Jensen Ackles by a Gay Man

The first time I saw him he took my breath away,

It was a Friday night and I was hip deep in a story problem and had decided that mindless channel surfing was a Zen way to see if I could bypass the parts of my brains that refused to cooperate. Now if you have ever been home on a Friday night trying to write I assure you, there is absolutely nothing on. Friday night is the graveyard of television since young people are out partying, twenty somethings are out at the movies, and anyone older is taking advantage that the kids are out of the house. I had no hope that I was going to find anything to watch, in fact I was counting on the boredom to act like a gun to my brain to write or die.

Between CBS and CNN a god flickered on my screen for a second.

It took my brain at least five seconds to process what I had seen in that flash and when it did I froze. I was halfway to TNT when my finger started jamming the back button as hard as I could. I sped past BET, sprinted over ESPN before landing on Fox.

And saw some Hispanic looking girl talking to a guy in a wheelchair.

I waited a few seconds, waiting to see if my brain had been screwing with me when the camera switched and my brain exploded again. It was the perfect man. Now let me preface this, as a gay man, it is hard to find the perfect man. Almost everyone fall into one of three camps. They are either younger and smooth, all pretty and done up. We refer to them as twinks, Hollywoods, pretty boys, guys that are just too pretty to be men. Nothing wrong with them except that a twink will only get you so far in life. They are great in bed and to use as arm candy but odds are if you are dating a twink that you are the one in charge. The second camp are the more masculine guys out there. Rugged, built, a little scruff, they are the ones you just want to hit you over the head and drag you back to their cave. Now these guys can be referred to as bears, butch, woofs or my favorite, stud muffins. I have never discovered what ingredients go into making a stud muffin but I do know I have tried more than once to make a batch or two.

The third camp by the way are guys you do not wish to have sex with and unfortunately, more people than not fall into that camp.

Now to paraphrase a popular commercial, sometimes you feel like a twink, sometimes you don't. Twinks are stunning to look at but there are times you want someone more aggressive and butches are the shit but sometimes you want a guy that wants to kiss as much as he wants to top. The quintessential problem as been the same since Michelangelo cruised David by asking him if he was a model, to find the guy who had both looks and guts. A pretty boy that could grab your hair and make you squeal was the holy grail of the gay world, and he was on my TV.

I had no idea who he was, hell I didn't even know what show it was. Luckily this was before the demise of TV guide and I was able to scrounge up what I was watching.

Though the name Dark angel did nothing to help me.

I watched the show until the end, mesmerized by this man and the ease in which he seemed to steal the entire episode as if written for him. I could tell the show was built around Ms. Bossypants and Wheels over there but it was so obvious they couldn't hold a candle to this guy it was sad. When it ended I was upset, one because I still didn't know who the guy was but worse, I didn't have the sense to record it so I could at least study this guy for future spank material.

Of course, I became obsessed.

I am not sure what stalkers did before the internet but I have to give mad props for the ones who managed it before search engines. I had never heard the name Jensen before, but I knew I would never forget it after that. I asked everyone I knew about him but no one seemed to know the show nor the actor, but I was not the least bit daunted. I began watching Dark Angel religiously, using the web to find older episodes from the season. Within a month I was an official fan.

Most of you know, fan comes from the word fanatic which is defined as: Marked by excessive enthusiasm and often intense uncritical devotion. I became a fan of Jensen Ackles in every sense of the word. I ended up roping my friend into watching it with me, her love for him made me feel less self conscious about my own. We watched the season finale with bated breath, not for the show but for Jensen. We read the news that Fox had picked up the show for a second season and that jensen would be back. I spent the summer downloading episodes of Dark Angel and burning them to disks as I searched for other shows he had been on.

I found an old episode of Wishbone and a show called Mr. Rhodes I had never heard of. I ended up spending a lot of money on Ebay for bad copies of them but to my friend and me, they were worth their weight in gold.

And then Fox stuck a dagger in my chest and announced they had changed their mind and Dark Angel was canceled.

What was I going to do? Like a junkie I began to scramble wondering where my next hit of Jensen was coming from. I began to hunt for the one episode of Cybil he was on, hoping that the fresh injection of his hotness could let me coast until I fixed a few small problems. Like where he lived and how to actually get to him.

That was when the great god WB came down and answered all my prayers. Jensen would go to the Creek. Now I had never been to the Creek myself, but I knew of it of course, no gay man was fully ignorant of The Dawson. The Creek led to Smallville which led to Supernatural which led to here.

My name is John and I am a Jensen Ackles addict.

I have watched the pilot episode of his failed show Still Life more times than I am willing to admit. I have no less than ten hours of Jensen material on my Tivo, saved there since they first aired over six years ago. I have beg, stole and borrowed every episode of Days of Our Lives out of other fans over the years and I went to Dallas to see him in A Few Good Men. Every time I think I have reached a plateau with his man I see him smile and realize I have so much further to lust after.

If you have no idea who this man is, congratulations, your addiction has just began. If you have been nodding your head at everything I have written, I can only say one thing to you.

Back off bitch, I will cut you if you get near my man.

Ahem, I'm sorry, that just fell out.

Happy Birthday to Sue and a wish for many, many more.

PS: Not joking. Cut. A. Bitch.

And if you haven't read John's stories, Maybe with a Chance of Certainty and End of the Beginning why the hell not??


  1. Everything about this post is beautiful and nothing hurts.

  2. LOL! I love it. Great blog John!!! Enjoy your addiction. :)

    Happy (day before your) Birthday Sue!! XO


    1. It's already my birthday here!

    2. Oh that's right!!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY SWEETIE!!!!!

  3. Sighs... that man...picture me telling Jared I loved him and then feeling sorry for Jensen and telling him I quite liked him too... yes... in...the...flesh... ROFL


  4. I watched him for years on DOOL, and now I catch Supernatural just see him shirtless sometimes.

    John, I can take you in a fight. So watch out, he might be mine.


  5. There's something about Jensen! As all the slash writers can attest, that man inspires some serious fantasies! Who knows, John, perhaps that J2 tag really refers to you and Jensen and not that other guy?

    Great post!

  6. *sigh* Yup. He had me at Dark Angel. From what I understand, he made the serial killer look so good, they brought back his clone as Alec. It's nice to meet another stalker, I mean enthusiast, I mean fan!

    1. Hmmm, enthusiast sounds so much better than stalker, doesn't it?