Monday, 23 April 2012

Why TV made John Goode a Bad Gay

I have a friend called John. Hello, John. When I need a blog I ask him. He asked for a topic. I said adolescent gay males and trivia. He obliged. Thanks John.

Over to you, John Goode

So I blame TV a lot for not just making me gay but making me a bad gay on top of that.
How does one be a bad gay? Well thanks for asking, let me explain.
First, I assume that all men must have a cool and calm front that is never broken no matter what their inner emotions may be. A crying on the inside kind of guy who just acts like he is the coolest thing in the world.
I blame The Fucking Fonz.
I mean he messed me up in ways I have yet to untie. There was that jacket, the hair, the sweet bachelor pad above the garage. Also, he had a super diesel girlfriend in Pinky Tuscadero who I always wanted because then she could beat up guys who were too tough for me. He had that thing with the jukebox (That everyone my age tried, don't front, bitch. How many records could you make skip doing that move?), he had the boy next door best friend and though he seemed to have a lot of sex, we never actually saw him with a girl unless she was pimping on his arm. I mean if he wasn't gay he should have been, and because of him I am terminally lame because of my need to be cool.
Then, there is my desire to have a douchebag car.
Hello there Michael Knight, I'm looking at you.
Once again, sweet Members Only jacket, man fro and that manly hair chest that I have never quite mastered. He had a snotty "friend" who was a penis car that had cool lights in its hood. He moved from town to town, his manly face pressed up against KITT's window...sigh. Because of him I wanted to find some weird drifter that talked into his watch and slept in his car, a guy I ended up dating more than once let me tell you.
Thirdly, the way too pretty guy who was still "straight" even though he looked like an underwear model.

His name was Jon Eric Hexum and the show was called Voyagers. he took a younger boy (that was me) and then with a magic watch travelled through time in outfits that always seemed to show off his incredible body. Every night I wanted for some weird stranger to show up in my room and offer to take me to the great unknown. Of course the guys who were talking to me had windowless vans that smelled like tears but hey a kid could dream. This man was so hot to my young mind that I still remember not quite understanding why this show was SO good to me even when it sucked. I think I cried a little when it got cancelled.
And then lastly, the cherry on top of my bad gay sundae.
Captain Kirk.
The fact that I had a huge crush on William Shatner to this day shames me but when I tell you half the reason I joined the military because it was the closest I could get to being in Starfleet I assure you I am not kidding, He had swagger, perfect hair, he was a huge man slut and he always won. In every day like this was the guy who got punched in the face in any bar after about three beers but in the 23rd century he was the shit. I thought a man was supposed to strut like that, be cocky like that and generally just be a dick and expect people to drop their panties because of it. As I have found more than once, this is not how it works. Kirk, more than any other guy, is the reason that guys seem attracted to me until they are with me and then realize, wow, he is always like that. I am still thinking about bringing a class action suit against Star Trek on behalf of all us self-centered jerks in the world but I know every single one of us would just fight to see who's name ended up on the lawsuit.
Nowadays, I can watch Glee, Queer Like Folk, Will and Grace and I can see good gays all over the place. I hope this makes a better generation of gays for the future, because I know the effects shitty tv shows can have on a young mind. Remember, bad TV hurts us all. And that's one to grow on. And knowing is half the battle. And sit on it.
Fucking TV. 

Lords of Arcadia: Act One

Kane Vess may be gay, but he is also extraordinarily ordinary—a crushing weight in Athens, Iowa, where a person’s worth is measured by his uniqueness. But when he meets the school’s newest student, Kane’s ordinariness seems to evaporate. He is desperate to get to know the mysterious stranger… and that leads him into danger.

Hawk is an exile from his homeland, an otherworldly traveler with impossible abilities and a changeling bodyguard. He’s generally disappointed in Earth, which seems common except for Kane. But while Hawk and Kane explore their mutual interest, the forces that made Hawk an exile are busy tracking him down. Kane’s newfound feelings pull him into Hawk’s shadowy fantasy world, where he learns he needs to grow up fast. Kane’s life may now be extraordinary, but if he isn’t careful it could cost him everyone he holds dear—including Hawk.

John's Bio:
John Goode was found in the back of a garden shed originally, and lured out by candy, he was raised on Elm Street before moving due to a rare sleep disorder. After taking off with a few friends to find a dead body, he attended Sherman High School majoring in absenteeism. Dropping out of college to work at the Gap, he struggled on perfecting his karaoke version of "Conjunction Junction" before moving on. He worked several odd jobs, first as a clerk at a record store that was open till midnight, moving to garbage collector with his brother, and then he finally decided on being a convenience store clerk who complained a lot that he wasn't even supposed to be there that particular day. He lives with a talking cartoon dog or cat or three squirrels and has possibly ingested far too much pop culture over the years.

Or he is this guy who lives in this place and writes stuff he hopes you read. John discovered M/M erotica when he heard himself describing what he had done the previous night.

And contact information is and John Goode on Goodreads where my writing blog is:


  1. Oh, this was fabulous! Thanks so much for featuring this, Sue! And thanks to John Goode for the amazing wit in so few words. I'm still laughing. :)

  2. LOL. Awesome! I think Magnum P.I. should be added to this list somewhere! I love the Fonz and Michael Knight examples. Too true!