Monday, 28 October 2013

A Cock in the Window

Happy almost Halloween. How are you? I can't believe we've got to the end of October already. What have I been doing?

Writing. Writing. Writing.

Isn't that great? I've finally broken the back of that horrid writer's block, and finished a murder/mystery that I started back in the summer.



Yes, this is my cover... or it would be except now that Amazon and Kobo are having conniptions I'm probably going to have to change the title and the cover.

I have a plan which I shall explain early next month. I may not be able to sell my 'cock' but there is no reason why I can't use the image.

This is a teeny unedited excerpt from A Cock in the Window.

A couple of potential customers come in and I smile briefly, leaving them to look around.
“Sweetheart, you can’t buy one of those for Grandma. Why don’t you buy her a Union Jack ashtray?”
In the middle of trying to make a paragraph resemble English, my attention is distracted by a woman and her late teenage daughter standing near the cocks.
“Because she doesn’t smoke and she’d much rather have one of these.”
“It’s a… it’s a….”
“Penis, Mum. You can say the word. You won’t explode. Gran’ll love it. She’ll put it on the mantelpiece next to the picture of Liam and Sam.”
“Kylie Owens, you shut your mouth. Grandma is a good woman.”
I watch the teenage roll her eyes and bite my cheeks not to giggle.
“Mum, you want to make Grandma’s day, buy her one of these. She’s got a room full of dusty crap. Buy her the big black one. Sam’ll find it hysterical. He’ll probably want to borrow it.”
The woman went so red I thought she really was going to explode. I kept my head down whilst they carried on bickering.
“I brought you a cuppa,” Steve said, handing me a cup of tea.
“Cheers.”
He gave me an odd look. “Are you okay? You look kind of red in the face.”
“I’ll explain later,” I say, tilting my head towards the customers.
The teenager looks over to me and Steve, and then her eyes open and they shoot to the sandalwood cock. Christ, what was she doing watching gay porn?
“We’re getting this one,” she says, ignoring the black cock in favour of Steve’s.
Embarrassment and conflict is clear on Steve’s face. Oblivious to the byplay, Kylie’s mother continues to fuss until Kylie stomps over to Steve, not me, and asks sweetly for it to be wrapped, staring at him so predatorily, I want to get between them and tell her to back the fuck off.
 Steve thrusts it at me and flees back up the stairs. I wrap the cock in tissue paper, making sure the shape is very obvious.
Kylie looks disappointment at Steve’s rapid exit but she beckons to her mother. “Pay the man, Mum. I’ll look for something for Dad.”
“Dear God, buy the bloody ashtray for Dad. If you get him anything like this he’ll have a heart attack.”
“Ewww, gross. I’d never buy anything like this for him. He can have the ship in a bottle.”
I felt rather sorry for the man, thinking he was going to be short-changed in the deal.
After they left I went to the bottom of the stairs.
“You can come down now. It’s safe.”
Steve appeared at the top, a look of relief on his face. “I made a tit of myself, didn’t I?”
“Yeah, but don’t worry, I won’t hold it against you.”
“It was just… she’s a girl.”
“Yeah? So?”
“She knew it was mine.”
I pat his arm. “Steve, I hate to break it to you but girls watch porn too."



Next month is NaNoWriMo and I am gearing up to write Isle of Walls, the sequel to Isle of Wishes. I am here if you want to buddy with me. I haven't finished a NaNoWriMo but every story I've started to write has been published so I count that as a success.

I'm still trying to do the het story but it needs some work. It's not just the squidgy bits that are causing me problems.

Anyway, au revoir for now.

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