Have you ever watched a guy suck a jello shot at twenty paces?
When Jamie gave his display the six gay guys and the three girls who thought men weren’t slimeballs stopped to watch the free porn. Kat didn’t bother looking. She said she’d seen better action the last time her girlfriend got busy. I’ve met Mary. The woman could suck a melon through a hoover and spit out the seeds at the end.
Jamie’s performance led to a competition between the guys and the girls for the best jello tongue action as judged by the only dyke in the room.
I didn’t join in. For one thing I wasn’t drunk enough to make a total dick of myself in public and for the other, I was looking for Grandpa’s teeth, which he had lost somewhere between the best man’s speech and the gogo dancer.
You might be wondering why the hell there was a gogo dancer at a wedding. We asked that too. No one knew the exact answer including both grooms, but it had something to do with the best man and the other groom’s mum. They weren’t talking.
“I know I had them in for the photos,” Grandpa mumbled.
I stayed as far away from him as I could to avoid the line of spit.
David looked around with a resigned air. “Maybe he left them in the gents. You know he’s always losing things.”
David was my husband, and the other groom’s man of honour. He’d only agreed to be called that on the understanding he didn’t have to wear a frilly dress or carry a bouquet. The grooms looked at him in horror and promised him there wouldn’t be a dress in sight. They kept their promise. Dress code was tuxes for the men and the women. The mums complained but they were ignored, and damn, was it an elegant wedding.
In the end we admitted defeat and sent Grandpa back to his seat with a promise we would take him to the dentist on Monday morning. He grumbled but he left, and I dragged David into a quiet corner behind the large flower display.
David raised an eyebrow. “Something on your mind, Joe?”
I pressed him against the wall and showed exactly what was on my mind.
“We have… a room upstairs.” The gasp in the middle of his sentence made me very smug.
I tilted his head to gain access to the little spot just behind his earlobe that made him weak at the knees, and licked and nuzzled until David let out a low moan.
“We’re going to get caught.”
“So?” We were at a gay wedding. I doubted too many people were going to be shocked at two guys making out behind the flowers.
“So… couldn’t we go upstairs and do this properly… with no clothes?”
Of course that was when someone had to cough.
Reluctantly, I looked around to see a very cute waiter - yes gay, no boyfriend, helping out for the evening and his name was Jack – smirking and holding out a bag.
“Sorry to interrupt.”
He didn’t sound sorry as he handed over the bag. I let go of David long enough to look at the contents.
“Oh jeez, where did you find these?”
“In a cup of tea.”
David peered curiously into the bag. “What is it? Grandpa’s teeth? How the hell did they end up in a cup of tea?”
I sighed and thanked Jack for returning the missing gnashers. He smiled at us and I thought he was going to flirt a little, but then a door banged and the moment was gone.
As we watched him walk away, David brushed his hand over my arse. “Do you think…?”
“Would you have?”
I rested my head on his shoulder. “Not if you hadn’t agreed.”
David didn’t respond and I knew he was thinking it through. “I love you.”
He huffed a little. “You romantic, you.”
Old complaint. I ignored it. “Let’s give Grandpa back his teeth and see how drunk the guys are.”
“They’re only jello shots.”
“Which Jamie made.”
“Good point,” David said. “Grandpa, the jello drunks, kiss the grooms goodnight, and then you, me and that large bed.”
I kissed him, leaving my gorgeous husband breathless and from the bulge in his trousers more than a little aroused.
A perfect end to the wedding.