Tuesday, 17 May 2016

Hop for Visibility, Awareness and Equality

May 17-24 is the annual Hop for Visibility, Awareness and Equality. I've talked in the past about the representation of LGBT on TV, and same-sex marriage. This time I want to talk about me.

I'm bisexual.

It's an identity which has taken me a long time to grow into and I feel so differently than I did at the time of this post four years ago.

I accept who I am now, thanks to some close bi friends and a lot of discussion. Anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am can take a long walk off a short pier.

It doesn't stop people making assumptions about me.

Here's a few I've encountered over the years.

  • bi women are up for threesomes with men and their wives.
    Seriously, married dude, offer me a coffee first, and what are you doing on a dating website?
  • I'm gay. Er, no, bisexual, not gay. BIIIIIIII!!
  • I'm not bi enough to suit some people. This was a recent one from supposedly online friends. Yeah, you can do the walk too.
  • I'm not gay enough for some people. Dear lord, that pier is getting a lot of action.
  • I'm not straight. You got that one right.
  • I prefer women, but that doesn't make me a lesbian. That spectrum thingie - yes?
  • The fact that you don't have sex with your hubby doesn't make you bisexual. It means you don't have nookie with your nearest and dearest. You're bi in your head, not just in the bedroom.
  • Women friends suddenly think I want to leap into bed with them. No ta.
  • Men friends think... put those damn keys away. You and your wife can get your kicks elsewhere.
  • Married women flirt with me as if it doesn't count as cheating if they flirt with the tame bi. They don't want a relationship, I'm just useful.
  • That last one has happened over and over. It just took me a while to realise it.
  • And no, I'm not going to throw my girlfriend down on the lawn and have my wicked way with her, neighbour dear. Think of the children!
That's just a few of the interesting assumptions people have made over the years.

One of my gay friends on Facebook says you can tell books written by queer authors. I don't know how much influence it's had on how I write books, but I do write a heck of a lot of bi characters; such as Paul from Isle of Wishes, Peter from Hairy Harry's Car Seat, and Nathan from Nothing Ever Happens among them. I think I have a better understanding on the thought processes of a man who has previously thought he was one thing, and then discovered he is something else. Not Gay for You, but 'oh bloody hell what just happened' for you. Yeah, I can write that book really well.


Leave a comment here (on my blog) about your favourite bi character, or assumptions about bisexuals that turn up time and again. The winner can pick my new ebook, Island Counselor, or any ebook from my back catalogue.



  1. One thing I have heard is that you cannot be bi. You must be one or the other. NOt True.
    debby236 at gmail dot com

  2. i have also herd the whole 'you can't be bi, pick a side' one. which is kinda silly because you can bat for both teams


  3. I always heard that "bi is just a transitional stop on the way to identifying as gay"...ridiculous!


  4. Talking with my sister about my nephew and she mentions that he eyes up boys and girls.

    "Ya ever think he could be bi??"
    Her:: "Well that's just bloody greedy!!"
    Me:: *rolls eyes so hard*

    She's not the first I heard that from either.

    1. Dear God, seriously? Ughhhhh! (My older one is bi, and he sees it as twice as hard to work up the courage to ask for a date! LOL)

  5. Great post. I don't think I've ever heard anything beyond the things you mention but then again, when ever somebody starts a sentence with the words 'all.....(take your pick here) are, I tend to shut them down before they get any further. I just do not have the time or the energy for all that nonsense. I don't know why people who don't feel a certain way think they can reason about those feelings they don't have. End of.

  6. Can't resist linking this: https://www.buzzfeed.com/skarlan/24-completely-true-facts-about-bisexuality-according-to-twit?utm_term=.av3v8wYxxQ#.gv7pvQG77J

  7. My daughter is bi and her biggest complaint is how people won't accept it because she is married to a guy. Or they think it means she will cheat on him with a girl just because she's bi. It annoys the hell out of both of us that Bi-sexuality and cheating are so interchangeable to some people. *GRRRRR*

  8. Thanks for the post! I think the one I hear the most is people say they are bi because they don't want to admit to being gay, which is just so preposterous and condescending.

  9. A family member once said to me,"I've nothing against you being bi but I do think it's a bit greedy." My response? "So, what, you 'chose' to be straight because you didn't want to be greedy? Kudos to you. Or are you straight because you're simply not attracted to the same sex?" *rolls eyes*

    Oh and of course there's the firm favourite, "How can you marry and be faithful to a man when you like women too?" Same way I would if I was straight. I still find other men attractive, but I have self control and am in love with one person who happens to be a man. I can find other people, men or women, attractive yet by the magic of unicorns I can miraculously stop myself jumping into bed with them. Go me!

    I've even heard people say being bi is just an excuse to fit into the lgbt club because it's the new 'cool' craze. But honestly, I think bisexuality is met with the most scepticism on both sides of the pond, so that's bullshit. The only club I'm interested in is the eating chocolate for breakfast club.

    Great post, Sue!

  10. I've never had anything said to me that I can remember except for me mum saying something about it not being a point because I was with the opposite sex and I set her straight about that assumption as its not about anything but me. On the other hand if I'd had (or do) brought a woman home I know I'd be accepted and they'd be happy for me

  11. You mean you're not greedy? Or confused maybe? *smh* Some people are stoopid. *Hugs you hard*

  12. Big bi hugs to you! I don't know about whether it's possible to generally tell queer writers, but my guesses about which authors are bi/pan/other multi are nearly always correct. So maybe? LOL

    I've heard so many of those. The first question I got asked when I came out was, "What are you going to do about it?" Uh...maybe stay married to my spouse and read a lot of lesfic? I dunno. Hahaha! (That's what I was already doing. No big change there.) I do recall the first time I got flirted with after coming out, though...oh, that was fun. So validating! And we are both married, so we knew it wasn't going anywhere, but it was like a big ol' welcome to the club.

    Oh, and this: "Not Gay for You, but 'oh bloody hell what just happened' for you." YESSSSSSS! So very much yes.

  13. Thank you for sharing this assumptions and your experience with people. People can be so horrible. I just want to shake people for you and ask " do you think about the nonsense that comes out of your mouth?"

    I have a few bi friends. I know they get asked why they bother telling people they're bi if they're dating someone of the opposite sex.

  14. Some of those must be so hard to bear *hugs* Do you think maybe part of the problem could be labelling? Some people really enjoy clear cut divisions with rock solid definitions so they can divide up the world into 'like me or useful to me so good' and 'unlike me or not of use to me so bad'. Faced by anyone they can't pigeonhole their brain goes into spasm and they start speaking in tongues.

  15. Thank you for taking part in the HOP!

  16. Favorite Bi character? Berne from "Heroes Die" by Matthew Woodring Stover. He's the bad guy, but loads of fun... in an evil way.

  17. One of my favorite bi characters is Jared, in Avon Gale's "Breakaway" :)

  18. my favourite bi character would be Tate from The Temptation series by Ella Frank...loved that series soooo hard!


  19. LOL! I've heard all those things before, and they are so true... People get it completely wrong when it comes to bisexuality. As for my favourite bisexual character, I've just finished The House on Hancock Hill by Indra Vaughn and I loved Henry so much!

  20. Man, sometimes I really have to wonder how people come up with some of the crap that they assume. I really do. And my all around favorite bi-sexual (and pansexual) character is Captain Jack Harkness from Doctor Who. He makes my day and is just an all around awesome character.


  21. Thanks for post and hop.

  22. My favorite bi character, probably Logan Mitchell from the Temptation series by Ella Frank. Thanks for the post!


  23. Sue,
    I <3 you so. Lovely blog post, and lovely realization for you. I've come to one of those about myself as well, and that bit in my May 18th blog post where I talk about the authors who've helped me come to my realization? Yes, you're one of them. So thank you for helping me step out of my closet as well.
    Much respect and affection to you *and for your writing*,
    Cherie Noel, Hop Admin

  24. Thanks for being part of the hop.
    sstrode at scrtc dot com

  25. Hmm, I think my favorite bisexual characters would be the fellas from the Faith & Fidelity series.

  26. Fellow hop stop blogger, still making my rounds on the blog hop, even though it over. Loved your post, thank you for sharing your experience. 'm sure it wasn't easy, but I appreciate your honesty and openness. Have a great week.